Confidence

Sometimes, it can be hard to find. Here are a few tips on growing self-confidence organically, and making it stick!

No. 1 Comparing Yourself to Others

Stop it.

In the age of social media, we are bombarded with engagement photos, promotions, and the millennial favorite, home ownership. Of course we want to be happy for our friends and family, but too often we start comparing ourselves to them. Ideas of “They’re getting married, and here I am on my hundredth Tinder date,” or, “She looks SO good in a bikini, I should probably lose a few pounds…” are such toxic mentalities.

When shown someone else’s accomplishments, it shouldn’t be seen through the lens of personal failure. Yet it is something everyone does (guilty as charged!). It is possible to be proud of someone else, and yourself at the same time. We are all on our own path, we have our own accomplishments to be proud of, and just because a friend or family member is “doing better”, doesn’t mean that your worth is any less.

No. 2 Negative Environments

This kind of goes along with No. 1. But to take it a little further, let’s consider interpersonal relationships. If you have friends or family members that are constant dark clouds, or who could hold a PhD in ‘How to Ruin the Party’, maybe a little separation is in order. People who constantly belittle you are not worth keeping around.

Some examples are comments about your weight, your job/salary, or your significant other. Now, if these are coming from a place of love and care, it might be worth some thought. However, if you’re subject to frequent comments coming from jealousy, malice, or just general misery, there might be the source of your low confidence.

This can be especially difficult coming from family members. We have this idea that family comes before all, sticks through anything, blah blah blah. That is not always the case. If someone you are related to is making you feel terrible, have a discussion! If this doesn’t work out, I strongly advocate keeping some distance.

No. 3 Twisting

This one isn’t just hard on you, but also the people you are close to.

Take for instance, and I am sure we have all done or seen this happen, you show up to an event with a few girlfriends. Someone comments that your best friend looks amazing tonight. Why would your first thought be that you look terrible? We always internalize everything. There is so much reading into the situation, looking for subliminal messages, and for what? To take an innocent compliment and warp it to confirm our deepest insecurities.

We do this within ourselves as well. If someone tells you that you look cute today, we take it to mean that we look horrible every other day. Although, with the current corona situation, this might be a valid point…

A great first step to improving self-confidence is to take a compliment as a compliment. Stop looking for a reason to be self-deprecating, and appreciate kindness as it comes!

No. 4 Managing Insults

There are about 3 times I can think of when someone else’s opinion matters:

1. Meeting your S.O.’s parents
2. Your boss or professor
3. . . .

Actually I couldn’t think of a third.

All too often we are scared to try new things or do what makes us happy because we are SOOOOOOO concerned with what other people think. Who f***ing cares? Seriously. Why should someone have so much power over your self worth? Why should a sideways comment ruin your whole day? Why give someone that?

Another thing to consider, and this is just a personal opinion, but people who go out of their way to make nasty comments or hurt your feelings have something wrong with themselves. If someone is making comments about your weight, it is likely because they have a bad relationship with their own. You feeling bad about it is not going to help either of you.

So wear that dress, take a dance class, create a YouTube channel. Do what makes you happy, and don’t listen to anyone else.

No. 5 Surround Yourself With Confidence

Something that really helped my self-confidence was surrounding myself with a bunch of cheesy stuff. I do own coffee mugs, planners, and T-shirts with inspirational quotes or cute diagrams on it.

I have a passport holder that was gifted to me, that says, “The world is your oyster!” I saw that and thought it was embarrassing and just a teensy bit tacky. Now I see it and think, “Uh, YEAH it is!”

A little goes a long way. When you constantly surround yourself with positive material, such as books, music, movies, and quotes, you begin to internalize it. And that in and of itself is worth it.

Now, this is not an encouragement to go buy a “Live, Laugh, Love” woodcut and hang it on your wall. I try not to encourage bad decisions here.

I hope that these 5 tips will help you get to where you want to go. They are a few things I learned over the years, and have established as part of an everyday routine. Just like anything, take baby steps! You won’t hit Beyoncé level confidence overnight, but one day you will.

Have any tips you care to share? Leave it in the comments below!