A Few Things I Learned

Having been in China since January, I am going on my fifth month of social distancing and self-quarantine. Amidst graduation, family, and all the other drama that came about this year, here a few things I learned to make more positive, fulfilling changes to my life.

It would really seem like this whole “epidemic” is never going to end.

Take it from me. I arrived in China on the 25th of January, right before everything was about to blow up. In the course of a few days, my life went from graduating senior to stay-at-home cat mom. Sometimes I felt like the woman from “The Yellow Wallpaper”. But, despite the ease of falling down that rabbit hole, I decided to make some positive changes in my life, and carry on with them after this is all over. I found that I finally had the time to do these things, time that I would not have taken outside of a lockdown. It has been a time to reflect, reconsider, and confront toxic behaviors that I have been carrying for a long while now. And honestly, I am glad I did. Here are some of the things I have done, and am super happy with, and I hope this might inspire you to do the same.

On Mental Health

Now more than ever, it can feel like the weight of the world is crashing down on your shoulders. This is especially true to those of you who are recently unemployed, furloughed, or unable to graduate. And it definitely applies to those quarantined with your families.

I think we all tend to go a little crazy when we are stuck between four walls. We want to dwell on the negative, complain, and shut down. Sometimes, that is okay. But if you find yourself doing it more often than not, maybe it is time to change that.

I certainly felt this way for about the first month. Missing my family and friends, dealing with drama from school and stress of graduation, and also being a legacy of a family-owned restaurant. There is always something going on.

But, as overwhelming as it gets, there is always something that makes you feel a little bit better. For me, I set out a plan for a gap year and further education. I wrote down things I am grateful for. I called people who made me laugh until I cried.

This does not apply to everyone. If you are struggling with a mental illness, maybe just getting out of bed is a victory. But in my case, I was allowing myself to dwell on the nastiness in my world and in my life, rather than giving myself a mental break. So, I had enough and changed it. And it helped.

It definitely hasn’t been easy, old habits die hard. But it needed to happen. Guess what? That pit of despair doesn’t seem so deep anymore.

On Body Image and Health

If you’re a normal human being, staying home for weeks has had effects on more than just mental health. Not going to work or school, not going to the gym, or just not going out period, has contributed to packing on a few. For me, this really began to affect my body image, which in turn just led to a continued spiral downward. That was definitely something I had to change.

For the record, I totally believe in self-love. I think we all tend to obsess about little things, and this is a dangerous and unhealthy mindset to have. If you are not happy with your weight, or you wish you worked out more, do it for the right reasons. Having a hot summer bod is nowhere near as important as feeling happy and healthy in the one you have. Goals should be directed at personal well-being, not societal standards. That being said, I do think that having balanced diet and exercise is crucial. Wanting to go into the medical profession, I could give you a billion reasons that this is the case. But none of those really struck a chord for me. I personally feel more active and energetic when diet and exercise is there. To me, that is more important than worrying about future heart disease and cholesterol levels.

I have always been someone who simultaneously loved and hated working out. As in, I feel fabulous afterwards, but GOD is it hard actually getting myself to do anything. With this quarantine nonsense, it became so easy to make excuse after excuse not to do anything. It is a global pandemic after all, I have bigger things to worry about.

But I really, really felt bad. So I made a deal with myself one day. I’d pull out my mat and do a five minute workout. I definitely battled with this.

“What good is five minutes going to do?”

“You might as well not do anything.”

“Really? Five minutes? Pathetic.”

True, five minutes is not much. But when you live in a 300 square foot apartment, and average about 56 steps a day, comparison theory would say that it does matter. And the thing is, the goal here was not to have a super hard workout. It was simply to get in the mindset of wanting to. If I did five minutes today, I could do 10 tomorrow. Incremental pieces are much, much easier to tackle!

Additionally, I needed to find what works for me. I will be damned if you get me to go on a run, but going on a walk around my neighborhood is A-okay. I despise weight training, but could do yoga for days. There is no need to do a “specific” workout or whatever your friends are doing. It might even be inhibiting your progress. Finding a workout you love to do is not only going to motivate you to do it more, but it also turns a job into a hobby.

On Friendships

I have some absolutely amazing friends that have been lifelines during this period. And they are scattered all over the world; India, Hungary, U.S., etc., so keeping in contact is a 24/7 affair. Between friends, family, and every other responsibility in life, keeping a social network sometimes feels like a full-time job. Even if you have a great relationship, thoughts of “I need to call XXX,” or “I should really text them back,” can weigh heavily on your mind. I found that it helps to schedule little “phone dates” with your friends, especially if you have a large social circle.

Unfortunately, not all friendships are peachy keen. I had to learn this the hard way. I reconsidered some friendships that were, to put it bluntly, toxic and pure drama. And it is never easy. You often find yourself flip-flopping with the issue, because it is really hard to let go of something, even if it is absolutely detrimental to your mental health.

If you’re in doubt, ask yourself these questions:

Do I constantly have to make excuses for this person’s behavior to other friends/family?

Do other friends/family notice this person’s toxic behavior?

Does this person constantly prioritize themself over everything? Do they make time for your needs and help you out?

Does this person belittle you in any way? Or does this person uplift you and make you feel confident?

Does this person use emotionally manipulative behavior?

Do you feel drained after talking to/hanging out with this person?

Do you find yourself avoiding this person? Or do you actively seek out their company?

Do you justify that this relationship is worth it because of how long you have been “friends”?

Above all, does this person make you unhappy?

If the answer to any (or all) of these questions is yes, it might be time to cut the rope. If there is anything I have learned lately, is that I do not have time for dramatic or self-centered friendships. The thing is, you don’t notice how negatively they impact your life until they are gone. You hold on to these things, making excuses, covering up, lying, and for what? Letting go is like having a cloudy sky turn into a sunny day. My boyfriend even mentioned that I seemed a lot happier, more myself, when the excess drama and negativity was out of my life. Letting go of toxic friendships is the best change I have decided to make this year.

So TL;DR: Stick with and maintain the friends you love and make you feel good. If there are any with constant drama, selfishness, and so on, BYE FELICIA!

On Hobbies

In the beginning of January, my hobbies included “sleeping” and “eating”. For the first week it’s heaven, by the second it’s hell. That’s when I decided to try a few new things.

The first thing I did was look up new recipes. It can be disappointing, living in China, because some ‘home foods’ are unavailable or really expensive. For example, ~90% of recipes have cheese, something that costs about an arm and a leg here. It became a little bit of a challenge, what is a new recipe I can use without breaking the bank? I actually found quite a few. To make it better, some of them took 15 minutes to prepare, and I will definitely use them later.

Another activity I tried was baking. I only had access to a toaster oven, and no yeast. Needless to say, the bread came out looking like army rations, and tasted even worse. Baking = not my forte.

One of the most satisfying things I have gotten back into was playing the piano. It is relaxing, fun, and can cure hours of boredom. We found a second-hand keyboard for about $45. You have to turn it on by poking a screwdriver into it, but I am definitely making it worth the while!

It is important to find something you like doing, that occupies both your time and your mind. Be it cooking, baking, exercising, gaming, or finding new music, there is definitely something for everyone. Now is a great time to try out things that you normally wouldn’t, take a bit of a leap of faith. Who knows? You might just develop a new skill or obsession!

On Your Home

If you are going to be locked up at home for awhile, why not make it a nice place? My space was cluttered, messy, and a pretty depressing place. I had this, “I will get around to it,” mentality that never seemed to come to fruition. The apartment was by no means dirty, but it just didn’t seem to have any life in it. This began to affect my work as well, because it really is difficult to separate work and home life when it all happens in the same place.

So, I cleaned off a table and created a desk. Instant productivity improvement. It created a little work area in my place. This zone is work, the rest is play. They do not mix, they do not mingle. If you are easily distracted, a.k.a. me, then this is important.

Also, I chose to declutter my closet and living space. At risk of repeating myself, a 300 square foot apartment does not leave a lot of room for… anything? I randomly clicked on a few videos about minimalism, and I really liked it. I don’t think I am going to make a “lifestyle change” anytime soon, but I did donate some clothes and get rid of papers. It is a tiny difference, but well worth it.

One big challenge was trying to bring a bit of life into the space. Renting an apartment, there is not much that can physically be done to change anything. We also have this weird mix of furniture that is half ours, half left from before. It is kitsch, to put it mildly. So, the little things count. A candle here and there, some flowers, framed photos, etc.

I don’t think I will ever have a Pinterest-perfect house. It has never really been my style. I prefer to feel like I am in my own unique space, a reflection of who I am. So find what suits you. Your environment can have a very powerful effect on your wellbeing, so I suggest making it a positive one!

There are a million things that you can do to get rid of bad behaviours and make more fulfilling positive changes in your life. Living is an experience, and we learn something new every day. Staying at home has given me some time to reflect and make changes that I want to see happen, and am working to implement.

So find your niche. Do what works for you! Work towards incremental goals, and put effort into the things that matter. You will be so, so glad you did.